Mood lighting and music...

...yep, it's study time.

So tonight was a way to catch up on calendars and blog posts. {including the incredible/convicting posts from desiring God and Gospel Coalition}

I want a man...not a silly boy, but a MAN

I want a dog

I want an old house downtown that can be fixed up - gotta have the old architecture

I want to just shop at Goodwill and Garage sales for the rest of my life finding quaint decor items, then...

I want to decorate forever

I want to be able to just sit and read for pleasure

I want to buy all the music I like and listen to it all the time while doing these things

I want a kitchen with fun appliances

I want a coffee shop job again

I want a lot of things.....

I'm clearly dissatisfied with a lot of things in my life...and it's all my own fault. I didn't listen to counsel around me for a year straight and therefore had an almost church discipline moment. When someone(s) sits down with you and reads Matthew 18, you better believe that you need to do some serious changing. {and that feeling of Matt 18 being read is scary}

I've always struggled with being lonely. I've never had that one best friend I can cling onto and is always faithful...or so I thought. I was putting all these expectations onto a friend that couldn't humanly fulfill them and that was wrong. Friends will: get busy, move away, have life happen, have a significant other, be the wrong significant other, etc.

but GOD...(how many times have I read that phrase in Scriptures??). But God, is ALWAYS, [and seriously always] Faithful. He's the ultimate best friend because of all of his amazing attributes. Why do I choose to focus on those measly things around me, when I have a mighty and SO BIG God to focus on?!? I constantly view God as too small to fulfill my plans, when He has a plan that I could never, ever come up with or create enough good out of. Maybe, Rachelle, you oughta learn your God better...yea sounds like a good plan!! Just focus on His LOVE. That in and of itself is miraculous. Even though I continually think of God as too little, he loves me immensely. I never have to wallow in my guilt or in my sin because of that love. Whoah! That's a big deal.